A friend gave me an idea about what people want to know and learn. So I decided from that conversation that a series of “How To’s” would be informative for those that are new in the online scene OR those that just need a refresher. Please keep in mind. I am no expert. I live by my own set of rules and opinions and so far they have taken me places that I enjoy :). I also enjoy writing and honing my skills per sa’ so here goes.
First “How to” is a question I get all the time in the chatrooms. “How do I know or figure out who or what I am”? WOW..touchy subject to start with right? *smiles*
Ive never been big on labels. The most common of “labels” are Master, Mistress, Ma’am, m’Lord, m’Lady, Sir, Ms, Miss for Dominants and then for submissives you have, girl, lad, lass, boy, boi, slut, slave, bro, sis etc..I have seen those confused as to how to address people when they are relatively new OR new to a room or site. My thoughts are: As long as you address with the intent of respect a simple correction by the one you directed your greeting at , with correction as to how they wish to be addressed is all that is needed. Those that fall apart and get pissy because you call them Mistress or Ma’am, without simply saying “I perfer to be called So and So” well..they arent worth your time and if the simple thing like a greeting gets them riled up think about if you touch them..*ahhhhhh god forbid* lol. Submissives deserve just as much respect as the Dominant side of the house. So this all leads up to..”what am I?”.
You have 4 basic catagories. Dominant, submissive, slave and S/switch. (The following is not a published definition but My own.
Dominant: Someone who enjoys being the TOP of the power exchange. They want to be in charge in all ways. They want to maintain control inside and outside the intimate parts of their life. When with a partner they are the agressor. Again its the control portion that makes them Dominant.
submissive: Someone who wants to serve in all ways. More prone to give pleasure. To live for making the TOP happy in all ways. Could be as simple as serving a drink or as in depth as accepting pain from a dark scene because they enjoy giving and receiving pleasure in that manner. A submissive in therory is not a door mat, does have an opinion and is able to negotiate feelings, limits and standing with the TOP.
slave: Someone that wants to be ordered around, used sexually and very vocal about it. They live purely for the Dominants rules. Everything from who they have on MSN, who they speak to, and how they pleasure. They have NO opinion. NO say so. NO negotiation process. To call yourself a slave and have a say so at all with what goes on makes you a submissive.
S/switch: This one is tricky. While I believe that we all possess a Dominant and submissive side, the S/switch has most conflict. They desire not only to be Top..but to bottom as well. The name Switch maintains that it is as easy as flipping a lightswitch when indeed it is not. MOST S/switches have ONE they submit to while in the natural order of things they are predominantly Dominant. Some are secret about who they submit to because its a small part of them that wishes to let someone else “drive” for a time.
So who are you? The answer is ofcourse inside you. You can be one or both. However, in a chatroom , if you are made to chose a “label”. Your hanging out in a place that has little care for the person. If you are ask, and you will be, “So are you submissive?” simply answer what is in your heart. If it is “Im just me”. Then that is good enough for Me.
labels means nothing to Me..its the person, who they are inside is what matters.